"This is Water..." and "All the Little Stories Marching "

Post college graduation life is interesting. Not having finals has been amazing, not having homework, and actually having some money have all been fantastic. But there are also a lot of things that you don't learn about in school, that are new and surprising and just plain weird about being done with school. Like not seeing your friends every day. Or having to manage multiple projects at the same time that all seem equally important. Budgeting. Paying bills. Figuring out how to de-compress stress from work while still keeping up housework and laundry and not becoming a Netflix zombie-sheep. How to keep pushing yourself to learn and grow your mind while being dog tired at the end of the day. And, hardest of all for me, figuring these things out without a group of peers going through the same thing and supporting you. Oh yeah, and not having any grades to tell you if you are doing ok, bad, great, horrible, or whatever. Which is why I was really glad to see this video:

( It's ok, go watch it. I'll wait) 

You see, the biggest thing I want to fight about adult life is the weird monotony. I can feel myself getting comfortable, and sometimes slightly cynical. The awesome newness of the whole thing is wearing off a little, now that I have been at it for just over 6 months. But I still get moments of magic - especially when I choose to see the things going on around me as more than just circumstances. I "penned" (typed a note in my iphone) these words recently while eating breakfast in a McDonalds, in the middle-of-nowhere rural Tennessee.

" While traveling for work, I am always struck by how big the world is, and how many people are in it. Every person is a product of all their experiences and relationships. Every person is living a story. Some stories started hard. Some stories are filled with hurt. Some stories are barely begun, and some are on their final pages. For just a moment, when I meet, speak to, or see a person, my story converges with theirs. And then it converges with another story, and another, and another, infinitely. It makes me wonder, how does this collision with my story shape theirs? How does my introduction to the story affect that persons day? I only get the breifest of moments in their story, so I hope that it is a good part. It makes me want to be just a little more patient, kind, and friendly to everyone I meet. 

One of my favorite things about my job is the way that it helps young people find their stories. Choosing a college is a big plot shift, and an important decision that will shape what fills the pages that follow. The introduction to MCA I received from the Admissions office drastically shaped my story, so it gives me a little thrill to think of how my presence at a school or college fair or phone call might shape someone else's story. 

For me, the coolest part of this whole idea is how the Author converges all our stories for The Story. Woven together, it creates a beautiful image that reflects back who He is. I wish sometimes that I could see things the way God does - how it all works together, how one thing leads to another, how everything comes together to make the whole. I think this is why I love to study history and art history - I can't look forward, but I can look backwards, and see how things came together to make both my story and The Story where they are today." 

So all that to say, be nice to people. Being pleasant costs you nothing, except your self-centeredness. Being nasty makes you spew death to everyone around you. Realize your own smallness once in a while. Notice people, and make this time we all spend here just that much better.  You never know what a difference it can make in someones day, life, or story.

(And if that sounds preachy, it is. Part of the reason I keep this blog is so that I can remember sermons I have preached to myself that I am sure I will need to hear again, and I thought maybe someone else might want or need to hear too.)

Proverbs 16:24
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. 

(Also, this post is heavily influenced by A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. If you haven't read it, go read it . Now.) 

Can't Go Back Now

                                                               "Can't Go Back Now"

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars 
And you'll think you've gone as far 
As you will ever get

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

Lessons from Levi

      Human beings love story. Our minds delight in the 'gotcha' moments when we tie thought into image through metaphor, simile,  and analogy. For me, the only way I can really process information is by putting it into a narrative. It is how I explained Biology and Anatomy to myself in high school, and it has a lot to do with how I process the world around me now, and in the past - as one big story. One of my favorite things about how Jesus taught is that He made lofty ideas tangible, and physical. He is "God who tells stories". And today, He told me one about myself again through watching my husky/lab, Levi.

     I travel for work fairly often, and work a 9-5 job. Consequently, Levi spends a lot of time on his own. He has gotten much better about it now, but when I first brought him home, he would cry and cry when I left, as if I were abandoning him for all time, and then would be overjoyed when I returned. While having a happy dog greet you is a great deal of fun, it was hard to watch him go through that experience daily. Once I started traveling, it was even harder to know that he felt abandoned, unable to understand why I was leaving him with my parents for what seemed like an eternity in dog-time. "I'll come back Levi! I always come back," I would soothe him over and over, knowing that he could not understand what was happening or why. Even when it seemed like a long time...even when it was dark...I always come back to make sure he is cared for, safe, and protected. His needs are always going to be met by me. I haven't abandoned him. But he doesn't get to see that, by leaving him daily, I am meeting both of our needs by going to work, or that if I don't go, I wouldn't be able to feed and care for him. He just knows that I am gone, and he does not see me or know where I am. His dog mind cannot fathom the idea of what I am doing, or how currency works, or what it means to have a job. But I am not abandoning him to his own devices - even though he cannot understand it, I am working for his benefit. If he decided that based on the fact I leave him at home that I cared nothing about him,  and that I was not going to help him, he might take matter into his own hands (er...paws?). Instead of being patient, he might break out to try to meet his needs himself, roaming the streets. But outside of where I have placed him to wait in our home, he is exposed to the elements. He could be hit by a car. He could eat something that would poison him. He could lose his way, his collar, and his identity, and not know how to get back home. By deciding that I didn't have his best interests at heart, and instead trying to meet his needs himself in his own time, he rejects my protection, simply because he does not understand. But even if he does wander away, not trusting me to provide, I will not abandon him. I will search for him, calling him by name, seeking to bring him back to myself, my shelter, and my provision. I will search for and seek him until he is found because I love him, and want to help him, not harm him. But he can still run away from me. He could hear my call, and decide "She doesn't love me. She just wants to keep me from having fun. She leaves me. She doesn't give me what I want when I want it. So she doesn't love me, and I will not hear her." If he did that, he misses the blessings of being under my care,  and is separated from my protection and affection. But if he stays put, holds on, and has faith that I am coming back to him, he sees and enjoys my return, and doesn't have to go through the greater danger and heartache that exists outside my apartment, the place where I have told him to wait.

     Levi is also terrified of storms. When the wind picks up, he gets panicky, running around whining, seeming to look for an escape from the storm. What he doesn't realize is that even though the thunder is loud and the wind may rage, he is sheltered. I know that the storm will blow over, and the wind will die down. I know that the apartment will stand, and that we will stay warm and safe and dry. But Levi doesn't know that. No matter how many storms we go through together, he always is worried. He cannot understand what I know to be true. So I call him to my side, and tell him to lay down instead of running around. I am asking him to rest beside me, trusting my knowledge that it will be ok. He cannot stop the storm or influence it, no matter how much he runs or whines or barks or worries. He can choose to continue to work himself into a tizzy, or he can heed my call, and by doing so, rest with me, lay his head on my lap, and go to sleep.

    It seems silly that even though I prove myself to be faithful to him over and over, that Levi worries. But I am just the same! No matter how many times God shows himself as provider for me, I always seem to want to take matters into my own hands. I don't respond well to things He is doing that I can't see. I work myself up, wear myself out, and question whether or not he is working on my behalf. I am just like Levi. I can choose to sit, and stay, and trust that the Master will care for me, or I can run from his voice. I can worry about the hard things that happen, railing against how unfair and uncomfortable they make me, pointlessly protesting the circumstance, or I can lay down my fears and rest on Him - trusting  that he is in control, and sees the storm, but has already defeated it. And that is a good place to rest. 

Who you are

God's Will isn't nearly as complicated as we think...

Speaking for myself, and most other people in my age group of "emerging adulthood", we worry a LOT. We worry about all kinds of things- where will I live? what job will I do? Will I like it? Will it be fulfilling? Should I get married? Who should I marry? What am I supposed to do with my life? Should I take that job? should I date that person? Where will I be in 5 months? Where will I be in 5 years? I know I have even said to my mom in the past "You are so lucky because you know where you live and who you are married to and where you work!" We end up talking a lot about "seeking God's will" and "praying about it" and spend a great deal of time running possible scenarios in our head of what could be next for us. This all points back to a fundamental problem with how we are viewing God's will. God's will for things in our individual lives can be mysterious, but God's will for creation, and his people, is startlingly plain. We spend so much time worrying about the unknown Will that we tend to ignore the revealed Will. We focus on ourselves, and our neat little lives, and fail to see what God's will is all about. It isn't about our comfort or our happy ending with a white picket fence. It is about loving and serving, healing the hurts, and drawing people to Himself. You cannot be fully in God's will if you are only focused on the details of his will for small particular scenarios in your life. You have to turn that over to him, and pray that he will make those things plain. Surrender - turn it over, and be ready for whatever comes, whenever it comes. But in the mean time  ALL the time, we need to be focused on his revealed will that he has plainly laid out over and over and over again in the bible :

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: 
to loose the chains of injustice, 
and untie the chords of the yoke, 
to set the oppressed free, to share your food with the hungry,
and provide the poor wanderer with shelter?"
Isaiah 58:6-7

Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?”
He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep."
John 21:17

"Learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed,
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow."
Isaiah 1:17

"What God accepts as pure and faultless is this : to look after orphans and widows in their distress"
James 1:27

These are just a few examples. As young people (especially single people) we have the unique opportunity to devote ourselves to the service of others in our community. This is beyond just feeding poor people, or donating your clothes. This is feeding your friend that has had a stressful week, or giving someone a ride. This is loving people no matter how they treat you, because it isn't about you. This is about getting the focus off yourself long enough to become quick at SEEING needs, and meeting them, without considering "What's in it for me?"

Friends, we have to quit letting worry steal our Joy. God knows what he has for us, and no matter what it is, it is good. Be open to anything, and in seasons of waiting, be busy! God has already given us a mandate of what we are to do, and if we aren't doing that, how can we expect him to give us more? If we cannot get over ourselves enough to serve others as a single, how do we imagine we are ready to serve as spouse or a child? This isn't really a season of "waiting" for "our lives to start". This is our time to BE where God has put us and be there 1,000% at whatever it is he has for us to do - whatever your job is, working hard, loving people, and having a servants heart in all circumstances. And, at least to me, this is enough to keep me busy for a lifetime - if God has family and all that for me later, great. But what he has for me now is more than enough, and I don't want to waste time wondering. It's time to be doing!

"You have to look past your own interests to be in the will of God, because it is not about you anymore. Want to know God's will for your life? Help those who can give you nothing back...that is the revealed will of God. Do that, seek him, and trust that he will make what is secret revealed. GO get busy doing what he has revealed - your journey is no longer about you, but about overcoming yourself to serve someone else. Being in the will of God means running to the issues instead of away from them. It means you dont have time to shun people, because you are too busy serving them. Being in God's will gets your knees dirty!"  
Chris Davis from this morning's message at Downtown Church, very paraphrased.

Trust and Delight

"Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land of safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Psalm 27: 3-4

As I was reading this verse I have underlined in my bible for the millionth time, I was struck with something new. This is probably not a new thought to the world, but it was to me...

We live in a world where now, often times, we look at God and say "What's in it for me?" "How does this help me be happy?" "How does this help me get what I want?"
This is not how it is supposed to be friends. Sanctification ( the process of becoming more like God through the work of the holy spirit and the christian life) is absolutely not about making your life more comfortable, or your stuff, or even your happiness really. It is about your holiness. This is not to be stoic or a downer, but this is an important thing to wrap our minds around. For example, we don't abstain from things because "it'll make them better later". We abstain because God has told us his model for our lives, and we need to be obedient to that model, and trust that it is how it is for a reason. But He hasn't condemned us to be hermits who withdraw from all things, and have no desires either. In the pursuit of sanctification, God wants to draw us closer to himself. He wants to bless us, and show us the better way, but he cannot bless things that are apart from himself and pull us away from him.

I always thought "Delight yourself in the Lord...AND he will give your the desires of YOUR heart" was about somehow appeasing God into giving you what you wanted...like "Look God! Look how much I delighted in you this week! I blogged about you and Instagramed a bible verse and was listening to Christian music all week! Look! Can I get that thing I really want now?!" but this verse isn't about God giving out Gold stars to the people who mustered the most enthusiasm to be "a good christian" that week. And while I have known that, and been learning a lot recently about trusting and obeying the life that God has laid out in his word, this hit me (finally) in a ne way today.

When you are trusting in God, you are safe because you are comfortable with him filtering the things that come your way. You don't chase headlong after things that are against his word or his plan for you. You hold things loosely, and ask "What do YOU want for me?" over your own desires. This allows great freedom, because you recognize circumstances are beyond your control. This allows you to respond to them as they come, instead of worrying about things that haven't even happened.

The second part ( this is the kicker!) is that when you are truly Delighting in the Lord, and who he is and the work that he has for you to do, (wait for it) he gives you the desires of your heart because your heart is being turned towards desiring him and his ways. (boom)

So, you aren't putting enough coins into the claw machine to get God's blessing by "delighting" in him. Instead, he is turning those desires away from things that are outside of his plan, and will harm you, and towards himself and the life that he wants for you. And when you are in that, instead of chasing the former desires, you are being made Holy, and he can bless you like crazy. But it has to begin with the delight, not the desires. In order to be delighting and trusting, we have to fully set aside what we think we want, and allow him to give us desires for his way, his word, and the benefit of his people.

Which is pretty cool.

Words I love....

Source: thatkindofwoman.tumblr.com via Lexie on Pinterest

Age of Worry

                                                         "The Age Of Worry"

Close your eyes and clone yourself
Build your heart an army
To defend your innocence
While you do everything wrong

Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where darkness falls

Alive in the age of worry
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?"

Know your fight is not with them
Yours is with your time here
Dream your dreams but don't pretend
Make friends with what you are

Give your heart then change your mind
You're allowed to do it
'Cause God knows it's been done to you
And somehow you got through it

Alive in the age of worry
Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, why should I care?"

Rage in the age of worry
Act your age in the age of worry
And say, "Worry, get out of here!"

JOHN MAYER