This is a true story of something awesome that happened while I was at Passion.
I'm a kind of a control freak. I like to know whats going to happen, and how. If I'm on a team, I like to be in charge. I'm a natural planner. Like a next-3-years-planned-by-month type planner. So acting in faith when it doesn't make sense is hard for me. I like to do things in my own strength, and get my own glory. But that is not what I was made for. So, this is a story of how I laid aside my calculations, and just trusted.
My card was declined.
This had never happened to me before. I immediately began freaking out in my head.
Wait...what? I put $ in before I left, and I havent spent any thing since....Wha?
The Target employee wasnt happy. I tried again. Still declined. Thankfully, my dad was there, so he covered me. Even as I was walking out of the store, I pulled up my banking on my iphone and tried to figure out what happened. I had missed a small charge, (like a dollar!) and overdrafted. I was not a happy camper. But my parents calmed me down, and told me it'd be fine, because my automatic transfer would go in the following day. They were getting ready to drop me off at Passion, so they gave me a $20 bill to eat that night. But in all the hurry, I ended up just getting a Coke and snacking when I got back to the room that night.
The next morning I got bfast and lunch free, so it wasnt until dinner I used my card again. I was nervous since it had been declined before. But I figured since my money went in, I'd be fine.
"Your card is expired."
I blinked. "Oh..."
Thankfully Matt and I had pre-decided that if my card messed up he'd cover me.
As we walked back to the Georgia Dome, realization set in.
$20...minus that $4 coke and that $10 cd....I have $6 left to feed me at least 3 meals... But all week (and all year really) I have been learning about surrender. Surrender in some things, like my unseen future, is a lot easier than surrender of my immediate finances. Still, I knew I'd be ok. We had breakfast and lunch covered the next day, and being a "starving artist", I know how to make the most of each meal. Still, there were going to be some hunger, or some bumming off friends. But I knew God would provide for me.
Later that night, I was hit by realization again. I havent given anything to Do Something Now, and all i have is six bucks. What now God? Do Something Now was the Passion conference place to donate to charities that are fighting Human Trafficking. I really wanted to give, but I was nervous. Yet, again, I had this peace that is totally not my nature come over me, reassuring me that I would be provided for, and that I should give the six bucks I still had. Standing in line to give, I tried not to think about what I was doing. My card didnt work, I didnt have my checkbook. Six bucks was all I had. So I gave it. I was worried that the volunteer to receive it would sneer at my small gift, but instead she was extremely up beat and joyful about it, treating me the same way as the person before me who gave much more.
After giving, I had that weird feeling you get after you get off a rollercoaster, when you are happy to have your feet on the ground, but still exhilarated from the ride. I knew I was going to be taken care of by my Father. I just didnt know how. And even if no way came, and I had to be a little hungry, I knew that the cause I was giving towards, and the obedient surrender that I found myself in, was worth any discomfort I might suffer.
I shared with my family group (Go Silver!) about how God was teaching me about living in surrender, and doing things through God's power, not mine. I told them about the financial faith I had just been through that day, and how good it felt to just trust it would be ok, instead of worrying about something silly like money in light of our great God. (or something like that....lol). I didnt say it to make myself look "good" or special or anything, I just wanted to share what God was teaching me.
Little did I know what a big lesson I was going to get.
The final morning, we packed our things and headed out to life groups. I still didnt know how I would eat on the way home, but I tried not to think about it too much and just focus on the last day of Passion. Once family groups started, two of my girls, Whitney and Melissa, told me they had something for me.
"We were so inspired by your surrender of all you had that we told your story to our college groups, and they wanted to help." Whitney pulled a sandwich bag from behind her back. In it i could see some change and a large wad of cash. "Here is $200 dollars. $15 of it is in quarters. It's for you."
I was stunned. I just kind of stared at her and the money, than immediatly began to laugh and cry, saying over and over, "Are you for real? What??" They were.
God had taken my meager offering, and little step of faith, and turned it around and shown me just how big He is, and how much He knows and loves me. His power, not mine. His plans, not mine.
That session I cried and sang a song of surrender, and a song of power. I sang with my arms high and heart abandoned. I wept at the amazing love of my fellow students generosity to me, someone they dont even know. I rejoiced in the knowledge that, though I may not always see them, I am not alone, but rather surrounded by a family tie stronger than color, or state, or economic class, or age. A family of believers, a body of Christ. I marveled at the greatness of a God who knew me enough to smack me in the face with His greatness in ways I cannot imagine. And I pondered what to do with the "more than enough" that had been given to me.
As we closed our session, I knew the money was not for me. It was there to show me something, but wasnt mine to keep. I slipped out enough $ for me to eat on the way home and pay back Matt, then put the rest back in my pocket. Louie explained that we were going to begin praying for Passion Vancouver, and that we could donate to help with sponsorships for students up there. Then I knew what I was to do.
You see, Jeff Philips, an amazing Pastor working in Vancouver now, had been a key part of my new path to surrender. Jeff and I had an instant connection at Beach Retreat in August because of the kind of people we are around. He encouraged me greatly, and I pray for him and his church often. The idea of students from Vancouver being able to experience what I had just experienced was thrilling. I also knew that the only reason I had been able to come to Passion was because of a generous sponsorship. I knew where the money needed to go.
Into the bucket went the sandwich bag with a happy thunk. Out of the Georgia Dome I went with a grateful, thankful, and utterly joyful heart.
God is Good.
All the time.
I'm a kind of a control freak. I like to know whats going to happen, and how. If I'm on a team, I like to be in charge. I'm a natural planner. Like a next-3-years-planned-by-month type planner. So acting in faith when it doesn't make sense is hard for me. I like to do things in my own strength, and get my own glory. But that is not what I was made for. So, this is a story of how I laid aside my calculations, and just trusted.
My card was declined.
This had never happened to me before. I immediately began freaking out in my head.
Wait...what? I put $ in before I left, and I havent spent any thing since....Wha?
The Target employee wasnt happy. I tried again. Still declined. Thankfully, my dad was there, so he covered me. Even as I was walking out of the store, I pulled up my banking on my iphone and tried to figure out what happened. I had missed a small charge, (like a dollar!) and overdrafted. I was not a happy camper. But my parents calmed me down, and told me it'd be fine, because my automatic transfer would go in the following day. They were getting ready to drop me off at Passion, so they gave me a $20 bill to eat that night. But in all the hurry, I ended up just getting a Coke and snacking when I got back to the room that night.
The next morning I got bfast and lunch free, so it wasnt until dinner I used my card again. I was nervous since it had been declined before. But I figured since my money went in, I'd be fine.
"Your card is expired."
I blinked. "Oh..."
Thankfully Matt and I had pre-decided that if my card messed up he'd cover me.
As we walked back to the Georgia Dome, realization set in.
$20...minus that $4 coke and that $10 cd....I have $6 left to feed me at least 3 meals... But all week (and all year really) I have been learning about surrender. Surrender in some things, like my unseen future, is a lot easier than surrender of my immediate finances. Still, I knew I'd be ok. We had breakfast and lunch covered the next day, and being a "starving artist", I know how to make the most of each meal. Still, there were going to be some hunger, or some bumming off friends. But I knew God would provide for me.
Later that night, I was hit by realization again. I havent given anything to Do Something Now, and all i have is six bucks. What now God? Do Something Now was the Passion conference place to donate to charities that are fighting Human Trafficking. I really wanted to give, but I was nervous. Yet, again, I had this peace that is totally not my nature come over me, reassuring me that I would be provided for, and that I should give the six bucks I still had. Standing in line to give, I tried not to think about what I was doing. My card didnt work, I didnt have my checkbook. Six bucks was all I had. So I gave it. I was worried that the volunteer to receive it would sneer at my small gift, but instead she was extremely up beat and joyful about it, treating me the same way as the person before me who gave much more.
After giving, I had that weird feeling you get after you get off a rollercoaster, when you are happy to have your feet on the ground, but still exhilarated from the ride. I knew I was going to be taken care of by my Father. I just didnt know how. And even if no way came, and I had to be a little hungry, I knew that the cause I was giving towards, and the obedient surrender that I found myself in, was worth any discomfort I might suffer.
I shared with my family group (Go Silver!) about how God was teaching me about living in surrender, and doing things through God's power, not mine. I told them about the financial faith I had just been through that day, and how good it felt to just trust it would be ok, instead of worrying about something silly like money in light of our great God. (or something like that....lol). I didnt say it to make myself look "good" or special or anything, I just wanted to share what God was teaching me.
Little did I know what a big lesson I was going to get.
The final morning, we packed our things and headed out to life groups. I still didnt know how I would eat on the way home, but I tried not to think about it too much and just focus on the last day of Passion. Once family groups started, two of my girls, Whitney and Melissa, told me they had something for me.
"We were so inspired by your surrender of all you had that we told your story to our college groups, and they wanted to help." Whitney pulled a sandwich bag from behind her back. In it i could see some change and a large wad of cash. "Here is $200 dollars. $15 of it is in quarters. It's for you."
I was stunned. I just kind of stared at her and the money, than immediatly began to laugh and cry, saying over and over, "Are you for real? What??" They were.
God had taken my meager offering, and little step of faith, and turned it around and shown me just how big He is, and how much He knows and loves me. His power, not mine. His plans, not mine.
That session I cried and sang a song of surrender, and a song of power. I sang with my arms high and heart abandoned. I wept at the amazing love of my fellow students generosity to me, someone they dont even know. I rejoiced in the knowledge that, though I may not always see them, I am not alone, but rather surrounded by a family tie stronger than color, or state, or economic class, or age. A family of believers, a body of Christ. I marveled at the greatness of a God who knew me enough to smack me in the face with His greatness in ways I cannot imagine. And I pondered what to do with the "more than enough" that had been given to me.
As we closed our session, I knew the money was not for me. It was there to show me something, but wasnt mine to keep. I slipped out enough $ for me to eat on the way home and pay back Matt, then put the rest back in my pocket. Louie explained that we were going to begin praying for Passion Vancouver, and that we could donate to help with sponsorships for students up there. Then I knew what I was to do.
You see, Jeff Philips, an amazing Pastor working in Vancouver now, had been a key part of my new path to surrender. Jeff and I had an instant connection at Beach Retreat in August because of the kind of people we are around. He encouraged me greatly, and I pray for him and his church often. The idea of students from Vancouver being able to experience what I had just experienced was thrilling. I also knew that the only reason I had been able to come to Passion was because of a generous sponsorship. I knew where the money needed to go.
Into the bucket went the sandwich bag with a happy thunk. Out of the Georgia Dome I went with a grateful, thankful, and utterly joyful heart.
God is Good.
All the time.
 |
| Completely. |
